For years my jaw was clenched
With the stench of your desperate cries
Victim eyes
Staring at me
There were always tears.
You flooded each one of my childhood years
Drowning any one who came near
Guilt I know so dear.
We became fast friends in the mirror.
She laughed when I laughed but we both feared
That somehow you’d learn how to cut us apart
I was stuck like my reflection
Begging to switch places with her
But then you would start
Caring for me
Displays of affection colored red, hiding inside plastic hearts
Too big to be real
(But they looked real to me).
Whenever you yelled
They didn’t break
I should have known they were fake
But they floated so nicely
In the shame, the regret
That you fed me each meal
At dinner is where I’d try to steal
A little bit of me back so I could feel
Assimilated
Maybe whole
Nah I knew I’d never feel that again
I grew up around the hole
Around the empty parts of my soul
That you took
Never knew I could look for them again
Not till I was older
Not until I was knee deep in sin
Calling out into the wind
I promise I’ll stay sober
Bits of my soul started coming in
I sank my teeth deep into each morsel
You stole from me
And somehow it set me free
That’s when my jaw became unhinged
And I haven’t talked to you since.
SWL 