386-4

I’m trying to figure out life

Not for me but for you too

Where’s the guidebook?

The clearly-written handbook on life?

Trial and error is miserable

Especially when a concrete inner framework is missing

I just want to feel and share joy

But pain is all there is.

I keep eating my regrets for breakfast

And my failures for lunch

By dinner I’m starved, chewing slowly on grief.

I’ve already lost too much

Who knew I would lose so much more

God-forbid if I didn’t have a heavy heart all the time

There must be something in my pain for me.

No one realizes that I’m on the edge

I wear “okay” like skin

I really do apologize for my existence

I did not have a choice.

I’m sorry my death urge is so palpable

While you’re eating your pizza

A dry chunk of food sitting in my throat

Because eating – at least we have that.